I have been reading this a lot and have been applying this in my life now. It is working. . . Praise God!
The first thing that I have come to realize is that I don't have control on any situations in my life. I am realizing that I am a control freak. I am learning to Let go of the things I have no control over and letting God take care of it. The things that God is allowing me to change I will work on it with his help and open myself to different things that He desires me to experience. I am not good with change. This whole year has been about change for me. I saw it as a bad thing in the beginning, now I see it as a time of growing. I do not know where God is taking me, but where ever it is, it's a good place. I'm trusting in Him to get me their.
Father God,
I know that you are with me and no matter how bleak the skies may
look, how dark the nights may get, I know that you are here with me.
I surrender to your will Lord. . .trusting you every day. Believing always in
A part of me wanted to write tonight and a very great part of me did not. We are entering into a new year very soon. Instead of embracing that fact, I found myself having a set back this afternoon. I don't want to go through the ups and downs with my emotions in the New Year. It's wearing me down.
I've spent majority of the year 2014 hurting so deep inside, trying to allow you to heal me inside and out, bending to the will of others, and just barely existing from day to day.
I am so faint from the road blocks in my life. How does one get through it?
I am so tired of crying, hurting mentally and physically , depending on others, and being so unhappy.
Every so often a dread comes over me and I shudder from the fear of the unknown. . . . depending soaringly on You God. That is all that I can do.
Only you know where my mind travels sometimes. It scares me so much. You know what I need Lord and I ask that you come speedily. . .I need You . . .
Good Morning World. . . They say it's cold outside with rain and possibly sleet on the way. I welcome it today. It's good resting and sleeping weather. So many thoughts lately. One thought his am I living or not living? In some instances, I found myself waiting. Waiting for resources, waiting for the healing to be completed in my life. waiting to get my own place to stay. Waiting, waiting, waiting (smile). Does it matter? Yes, but I have no control over my circumstances. I am realizing that I never had the control now or never. I'm just realizing that God has always had the control. Before my marriage, during my marriage, and even now, after my marriage. Whatever control I thought I had. . . (greater word or words to remember . . .I thought) God has shown me that He knows what is better for me. To be honest, I don't have the slightest Idea what is better for me. . .except one thing.. .. My husband's leaving me was the best thing for me. A very huge mistake that I made. Healing has been so hard. Getting back on my feet has been so hard. The Lord will get me there. I count on that and I know in my heart that He will, but for now.. ..just let me cry, because it's part of my healing. If you see me starring into space, just let me do that, because I am looking to see or hear a word from God. I am learning patience and speaking to the Lord from my heart. Most of all. . .I am healing inside out.
Earlier this year I moved into my sisters house; hoping that we could some how help each other. I worked for a little while, but everything went sour. she decided that she wanted me to move. Some of the things she has said to me very hurtful. A lot of things she did to me was very hurtfully. I have learned that you don't have family to count on and you don't have friends to count on. I've come to the realization that it is only God that you can depend on and God that you can trust.
Thank You God for everything and helping me to stat focus.
As I look into my eyes, I often wonder what it would be like to just turn the clock back on my life ten years. It is very unfortunate that I can't. That's not the way God does things.
There are no lessons learned when the clocks are turned back, no wisdom gained, and certainly no spiritual growth.
But if I could turn back the time, my eyes would not be so sad. Sadness of lost, betrayal, and not being used or manipulated by someone that you thought loved you.
I try so very hard to keep positive by reminding myself of God's promises. I know that He sees everything that is going on in my life. Regardless of everything that is going on, He has blessed me in the mist of it all. He promised me that he is preparing a new thing for me and everything that I have lost, He will restore it better than what I thought I had. I guess it would not bother me so much if I were younger and going through this, but I am 55 years old. Most people, especially women are established at that age. but I'm not established. The most important thing and foremost is that I am established in the Lord.
Lord what would I do without you? You've taken away the pain slowly but surely, when I think that I am going to break down, He gives me strength to continue on. When I thought about ending it all, God takes hold of my mind and prevents me from doing anything crazy.
And i think to myself. . . Psalm 8:4 . . . .What is man that thou art mindful of him? And the Son of man that thou visits him? That is unconditional love. . . Love that I try to have for those who hurt and wronged me.
trying hard to see things from their prospective.
God I love you. . .I depend on you. ..never anyone else. Soon the sad eye that sits in this picture will be a smiling eye. An eye that shows the love, forgiveness, and the happiness that only you can give to me.
Having thoughts of great expectations in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. . .Who has taken me through this last tremendously hurtful time in my life. Only through the Grace of God that I see so many things with clarity now. Sometimes when we are right in the mist of so much in our lives, we are unable to see anything. . .especially what God wants us to see.
It's only through His Grace that I am healing mentally, physically, and emotionally. There are so many times that I smile to myself now and thank my Heavenly Father for so much. He is far beyond the word Awesome and I raise my hands up to try to capture his hand. . never wanting to let go.
I am growing in your Grace now Lord. I had to be so broken to get there. And as others gathered around feeling satisfied in what was happening to me, as others smirked behind my back, Some of the ones who called me friend. . . they were too blind to see that it was a spiritual situation that I was going through. Forgetting that they were one time in the mist of troubles, hurts, disappointments, and more. . .they triumphed over what was happening to me. I worried what my friends were thinking. . .silly me. I was still blinded by what was going on.
I fought a battle for 8 years. . . one that I did not have to fight. I've made mistakes, and I have prayed so hard. . .not understanding that everything we pray for is not going to be given to us. I PRAYED IN VEIN!
The only thing that matters to me now is that God has set me aside for HIS USE! I have no answers to what my future holds. . .but God does. He is giving me the direction and I am going on blind faith. . .because that is what faith is all about.
My real friends that truly prayed for me. . . Thank You! I pray that God rains down blessing on you!
I thank God for getting stronger everyday, healing in my body everyday, and loving me for who I am everyday. And as I leave this part of my life behind in the very near future, I only look at what God has waiting for me.
If I had a chance to put all my day dreaming into action, there would be a lot that I could do.
I day dream about being an eagle. Flying high above the clouds, seeing the sights that look so small below. I would soar near the snow covered mountain tops and sit for awhile to behold the beauty of God's gift to mankind.
I day dream about owning a yacht. I would sail the blue oceans and discover the little islands that no one thought to discover. I would land my boat on the shores of the island and sit on the white beaches to admire the blue seas and oceans; dipping my feet carelessly in the cool waters. I imagine that there would be coconut trees that would bare the large fruit. Banana trees dipping low from the weight of it's fruit and imagining the Lord telling me to enjoy His delectable creations.
I day dream about the Lord allowing me for one day to choose the time in my life when I delighted in my life. I would move the days and the clock back to 10 years. I was happy, believing the most in myself, and enjoying the spoils that God allowed me to have. I would not waste it and abuse it like I did.
It's during my day dreaming that I realized that all of those things have been possible for me, but I settled for less. I allowed someone and some things to become hinder me from the things that I wanted in my life.
But the best thing of all is that I realize that it is never to late to do some of the things I want to do, To enjoy my life the way I want to, and to keep dreaming big, No matter what.
Thank You Lord God for dreaming.
Thank You for letting me know that those dreams can come true.
That all things are possible if we would only believe.
Every New Year I make a promise to myself. I list the things that I want to do and the things that I want thrown away in my life. Things that are not of God.
I achieve some, and the years would have it's ups and downs, but it wouldn't be too bad.
I am waiting with patience for this year to pass me by. I've had more downs than I have had ups. More disappointments, hurts, disillusions that I don't want to remember. They haunt me at times. But I thank God for being by my side. He has carried me so many times because the labor of walking through this life has been very hard this year 2014. I've shed more tears this year from deep hurts. And when I think that it's over, the rain begins again.
The new situation is that my doctor suspects that I have cancer. I am starting my batter of test for confirmation. I pray that there is no confirmation when the test are over. When I got the news, the first thing that I thought about was what have I done that was so bad to deserve all of the things that has happened to me since February? Why is the rain nonstop? Situations are building up all around me Lord. Why am I weeping many nights without seeing my joy come in the morning? But,I still wait patiently on God for all of my deliverance. He hasn't left me. I can still feel him in this never ending storm. Everyday, I look to those Hills which comes my help. Knowing that my help comes for my God who has made heaven and earth. Lord, I depend on you. I'm getting weary and I need your assistance in my walk. Please pick me up Lord and carry me the rest of the way because I am so tired.
I can listen and watch the video below all night and all day, but today seemed as if the video was new to me. I listened to the song in a different light today; remembering my childhood to the present.
I use to cry when listening to it, but today I was smiling as it played. WoW!
I had a difficult childhood growing up. My parents provided very well for the family, but I was the middle child. I always found myself fighting for recognition, understanding, and acceptance. My parents didn't help the situation any. They favored the oldest which was the only son and the baby which was 2 years younger.
I was a very large child with a lot of conflict within myself. I did not accept myself. The only family that helped me through my crisis was my Aunt; my mother's youngest sister. Thank God for her. We have always shared a wonderful bond.
As I got older, the weight increased and so did my misery. Later in my adulthood, a surgery changed my whole life. I lost a lot of weight, dressed better, and it improved my self-esteem. I lost a lot of my improved self-esteem during the troubles of my marriage and the separation.
Which brings me back to the song "Good-bye Milky Way." In my mind's eye, while listening to the song, I saw myself unpacking an imaginary suitcase. At each step of a certain age, I continued to unpack and the suitcase got lighter and lighter. I could see the bottom being emptied. I saw myself wearing a white suite that had gotten so big on me. To myself I thought "I just brought the suite and it fitted at the time I bought it." I felt the vision meant that I am healing. My burdens are getting lighter and I am moving forward with the Lord's Blessings. White signifies purity. Thank You Jesus. The "Milky Way's" center is said to have a black hole. I was waving saying "Good-bye Milky Way". I am leaving the black hole LOL LOL.
God is delivering me and it feels so good:). So very Good. . .
When the Lord has you in a place, there is no escaping until he removes the hedges that are binding you from moving.
There's a lesson that I am suppose to be learning, but so far I'm learning patience . . . Oh Glory to God . . .So much patience.
I am learning humility . . . . My Father God to the brink that I often cry in the humility lesson. . .realizing that there is more of both to come.
I am learning to forgive, to let go of the past, and to move forward. The 3 I am working on daily:). I am learning how to do without. The Lord has always made me to have and to hardly want for anything for a very, very long time and this feels foreign to me (doing without).
I can't remember the last time that I walked into a store and paid big money for an outfit or purchase a pair of shoes on a whelm. Does it bother me? It use to.
It seems as though the storm brews more and more these days for me. I'm also learning to not complain. It looks as though when I complain, it goes nowhere (laughing).
The Biggest thing is evaluating myself, my life, and what has led me to this point. When God helps you to peel the covers off of yourself slowly. . . It is never an easy task. Right now, I feel like an addict going through withdrawal. No I am not an addict with a drug use, but if you count cigarettes as a drug, then I've experienced the withdrawal from smoking and caffeine.
As I am turning the pages to my past, there are hurts and scars that I have never gotten over. I never took the time to do it because I would say to myself . . . can't dwell to much on this or that. . .it will slow me down from the things I need to concentrate on (like working and keeping food on the table for my son and myself). I would pack the hurts and dress the scars with temporary fixes. I've never dealt with my feeling with anything significant in my life and when my husband walked out on me. . .everything . . .everything flew forward in my mind, in my heart and it almost overtook me. BUT for the Grace of God who kept me safe from myself!
All of my failings, all of the abuses from previous relationships (one was physical ), relationships between my siblings, the death of my mother and my fathers' death in 2010. When you add all the problems that my husband and I had, never truly addressing his addiction, his infidelities, my insecurities, my low self-esteem, and my flying off the handle. . . .then the abandonment. I died inside a thousand times and I am still dieing because everyday I am asking God to wash all of my past away healing from the inside out.
Sometimes the peeling gets so rough that I have allowed myself to be emotionally tampered with. . . just to try and try the pack and temporary dress so that I don't have to deal with working through past issues. It hurts to bad:).
I know that the Lord is going to bring me out of my situation and my life will be so much better for his use. I thank God that my soul is saved and anchored in Him.
The most wonderful feeling that one can ever have is love:). I can't speak from a man's perspective and I can not speak for every woman. I speak for myself as a woman who's been in love.
Love is refreshing. . .
Love is emotional. . .
Love is physical. . . .
Love is timeless. . . .
When you first realize that you love someone, everything inside of you wakes up. You see everything as new. Your five senses are in tune with your heart and you become breathless thinking of the possibilities that awaits you with your MAN:).
When you are together, breathing in the essence that vibrates around you, every thought, every hope, and every . . . .every. . . .every is about him. Time seems to stand still and it appears to run fast all in one moment. It stands still because it's the world around the both of you. It appears to run fast because there's never enough time on a clock to spend an eternity together. Everything else seems to dominate your time leaving very little for the one you love. So you carelessly forget that there is a thing called time. . . blotting out all the things and people that interferes.
Real love is what every woman wants and needs at least one time in their lives.
That refreshing, emotional, physical, and timeless feeling that we have in the natural for our man is even more wonderful when you feel that way with Jehovah God. Our Father, Our first Love.
This has been a very laid back and dreary weekend. Not saying that we didn't need the rain, but it had this melancholy feel to it. I climbed the walls with frustration and found myself leaving home just to breath a little.
I spent Friday shopping with my sister . . . looking for a couple of dresses for some main events that we have in church for the next few months and for myself, I've decided to leave the city that I have known for most of my life. It's so funny. The decision is bitter-sweet. When I finally decided to leave mid October, this great weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt so good, but on the other hand I cried. I always felt that my place was here with family, people I went to school with, and memories of always belonging.
I don't feel a belonging anymore nor do I feel a since of fitting in. It's sad to say, but I allowed my husband to soil all that I knew and loved here.
I've faced my demons here and it's time to move on. If it's God's will for me to return, I'll be back to live here. It's time for a change for me. I'm looking forward to this move.
Some things are meant to happen. We may not be able to explain or understand certain events in our lives, but I've always believed in all causes lead to effects; rather good or bad. I'm learning every day to let go and let God. There are only certain things in our lives that He allows us to have a measure of control over. The percentage of those measures are very slim. . .
I woke up this morning feeling that I was lost, Wondering what is my next step for my life, feeling robbed of the joy that I once had. So, So many feelings that I just laid back down and closed my eyes to sleep again. I wondering why today that the feeling of sadness weighs heavily over my mind?
I did find out that a friend of mine passed this morning. Could that be the sadness? Feeling as though I don't belong anywhere, that I don't fit in and wondering why time (which is so precious) takes so long to do what should be done in our lives.
I pray that there is not another feeling and going through what I am going through. It's heart breaking, devastating, and hurtful. Time. . . .I wish that it would move swiftly. . .
I've been taking walks through my own mind. Evaluating, organizing, rehashing, and all the things one does trying to correct a past mistake.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall. . . I fight daily to stand tall. Letting the waters rash away all my hurts, my disappointments in life. Why? Because my hurts have been hauled into an oblivion of pain. The more I wash, the cleaner I feel. Why are our hurts so dirty?
I'm in a tunnel of rebuilding. Trying to build a new life. . . moving along slowly, sometimes trying to figure where I should start and where the end may take me.
Lord God! My Father in Heaven. I feel Your presence with me, comforting me, smiling down on me. I needed to feel that. Every day I need to feel your presence. You've been good at giving me that added presence and you've often eased it away so that my faith kicks in to know that even when I don't feel you . . . . . I know you are there.
I love you Lord. Without You there would be no me. Daily I hunger for your touch, Your breath against my dry bones. Often I want to be alone with just You, talking with You, listening for Your instructions, Your guidance, and Your constant Love for me.
No one loves me like you Lord. My faults, my ups, my downs, and my turmoils.
I depend on You always. No longer will I depend on the human nature of others.
This morning I was led to read Isaiah 40:1-31. Very uplifting to me. Sometimes I feel as though God has forgotten me, but he hasn't. I find myself clinging to His presence. He may withdraw it for a while, but He's still there. That's when our faith comes into play. . .knowing that even if you don't feel Him, you know He's still there with you.
As I was driving this morning, I thought to myself that I wish that I could just keep going and wherever my car stops or take me, it would not be far enough:) away from my problems, my hurts, or my not understanding of so many things. Then reality steps in and you think . . . .The things I am going through is like a heavy baggage that I am carrying around with me and I have to take it with me everywhere until I am completely unpacked.
Forgiveness is a funny thing. We think that we forgive people until God surely steps in and show you that you haven't really done that. I've decided that every day when the thoughts of my husband comes to my mind, I will say I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you! I figure that if I say it long enough meaning each time, I will truly get there.
I miss the presence of my husband and some of the good things we shared, but I don't miss the hell that I went through with him. Then I thought. . . .if you take a whole pie and use a tablespoon to scoop out a portion to eat is how much of the good times that I remember. The rest was full of his drug addition, his thirst of infidelity, and his abandoning me. More hurts than good memories. I'm blessed that I am not in that any more. The constant threats from drug dealers, the lack of money, the constant lies, and always wondering if he is alive and okay when he's out in the streets getting high.
I'm blessed that I am here through all of that. God covered me and that I will always remember. He is still covering me.
The Lord always says to me "Be still and know that I am the Lord thy God!" That will always be enough for me.
Through all that I have endured and still enduring, I find myself sifting throughsome of the rubble thatstill plague me. I am still letting go of so many things and closing doors that I seem to let remain open.
I love this picture. I see it as a closed door, sealed by the blood of Jesus; meaning God shut the door for me and sealed it so that I can not open it again. I'm selling furniture that my husband and I bought together. Why? I opened the storage door and all the memories rushed to the forefront depressing me. I want to rid myself of any reminders of him. As friends came by with invites to my storage unite, buying the items I had wanted to get rid of, I began to feel the heaviness lift from me. CLOSING DOORS!
I always said that I am too old to start over again. No I'm not. I welcome the new start:). I will be 55 next month. For a change I welcome this New Adventure with God leading the way.
Today I finally committed to something new. I joined a new church. It felt so wonderful, so refreshing, so right. I felt that I finally belong after I had been feeling that I don't belong anywhere. I have been broken before God, before man, and within myself. I understand now that before God can take you to a high depth, You have to be broken so that he can breath life back into "dry bones." More Humility is what I feel now.
A newness so overwhelming. I am admitting that sometimes I want to strike back because the hurt is still there, sometimes I want to do the wrong things to fight back. This battle is not mine, it's the Lord's. I have to remember that No weapon formed against me shall prosper and to go about God's business with joy is what I have to do for myself. Pleasing God is what I want now and the only way to do that is to Close Open Doors. . . .So that the Lord can open new ones for me.
Father God
I thank you for the Closed Doors. I may not understand completely why
you close particular doors in my life, but I am trusting You and
Your infinite wisdom. I have faith that wherever you lead me it is
for the good of me that love You and called according to
You often hear church members sing "My God is a good God," and others will echo "Yes He Is."
Such a beautiful and true statement in this song! In my own experiences with God, I can tell you that He is sweeter than Candy Kisses, more loving than anyone can ever love, and more forgiving than the vastness of the sea he created.
I wake up with a smile on my face knowing that God has my back and it's been prophesied that my change is here ready to manifest itself.
As Phil Collins sings. . . I can feel it in the air . . . . I am back home with the Lord where I belong and not venturing into darkness again.
I had once said to my husband that the world is becoming an ugly place with all the bad things going on and that I have found myself smack in the middle of the ugly. Today I can truly say that the world that God has placed me back into is so beautiful, peaceful, loving, and wonderful. Every day is not a bed of thorn less roses, but I am living pretty close to thorn less.
Thank You Lord for loving me.
Thank You Lord for giving me another chance to get it right.
Thank You Lord for pulling me out of the darkness into Your "Marvelous Light." If I had a thousand tongs It will not be enough to Praise You and give You all the Glory for my deliverance.
Romans 8:28
And we know that ALL things work together for the good of them
Somewhere deep in my mind, I often know something, but forget to put what I know to practice. I allow the enemy to gain footholds in my life and allow chaotic-mess to dwell. I did not understand that God gives us the power to defeat the enemy, so therefore I did not use the "Whole Armour" of God to defeat him.
A small number of things that I knew and did not apply to my life:
I felt that I did not fit in my husband's world, nor he in mine:
I understand now that God has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light.
I did not need my husband to affirm who and what I am:
I understand now that I am one of the chosen generations. . . A royal priesthood.
I allowed myself and my husband to believe that I could not make it without him:
David said to the Lord, I have never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed
begging for bread. I have to keep my eyes centered on the Lord because all my help cometh from the Lordwho made heaven and earth.
I did not need my husband to tell me how beautiful and smart or wonderful I am, nor need him to make me feel that I am a woman.
Well the Word says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that he knows what's best for me. My husband doesn't know and unless God tells me,
I don't even know.
"Did I TRULY UNDERSTAND?"
NO I DID NOT!
I lost sight of my relationship with God. I thank you Father God that it was not to late for me to get it right!
It's June already. The months are moving faster for me now. At one time the hours, minutes, and seconds dragged on and on. Now I am at a brain fog. A fog of overwhelming peace. Just enjoying the time spent with God, my Sister, and her dog.
I am not on autopilot any more. I'm doing things again slowly. Lord. . . Every since you touched me on Sunday Morning, I am still spiritually high from the touch.
I feel so new inside and shudder when someone breaks into my world to talk to me. I just want to maintain that calm, peaceful feeling that has camped around me. I feel your eyes Lord on me (GLORY!) Watching and letting me know that you are here with me.
In my heart (although everything is not completed), it will be done. You are in control now and I have nothing to worry about. It feels so good. I am at the point where I smile again, act silly again, and it's a new me because of the true difference I feel within myself. All the Praises go to you Lord! I was too weak in spirit, I was broken inside and out, but when I took the broken pieces to you. . . . You started to put them together slowly for Your use Lord, for my soul and spirit. You blew a fresh breath (the anointing) onto my "dry bones" and gave me renewed life.
As they say . . . . . If I had a thousand tongues, I still could not Praise You enough!
Thank You Lord for the emergence. The new creature that YOU are creating inside the Potter's House.
Thank You Lord God! Thank You for your mercies, your kindness, and most of all your Love. . . .
I hope that my Christian Friends understand that I and you know that it is not Me, Myself, and I. It's all about GOD first. When we become the children of God and learn to truly love him, then we are able to concentrate on ourselves. . .striving to be more and more like the Lord!
God is working things out for me as I write this passage, I know that whatever God works on. . .it's permanent. I am learning to love myself through only the Grace of God. I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. . . I AM THE APPLE OF HIS EYES. . .AND I KNOW THAT HE CARES ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING AND EVERY BIG THING THAT GOES ON IN MY LIFE. I thank the Lord that He has given me the peace back in my heart, the smile on my face, and have embedded the Holy Ghost inside me to prevent me from creating my own kind of justice.
Everything is as it should be. Patients is the key for the manifestation of what he promises. I will wait on the Lord!
I was driving home the other day, just thinking about my life of where I use to be and where I am now. I popped in a CD, not realizing which one. I had grown tired of the hum drum of the radio station. I like slow songs that have meaning and the ones that mellow you out.
When the third track came on, I froze! Angie Stone was singing the words that I often spoke to the Lord about. Thank You Lord for showing me that the box that seems to close me in getting smaller by the minute is now expanding. Where I could not see the sky because the ceiling was closed in, I can now see the sunshine, the clouds, and mostly my way of escape that you have prepared for me.
I thank you Lord, My Savior, My Everything. I may never know the reason for what I am going through right now. I in that cave that David hid in with darkness. You are protecting me even when I feel that you are not there. Outside that cave could be something more devastating than I need to see. That cave to me is your arms wrapped around me protecting me from whatever is lurking outside the cave.
I Serve an Awesome God That Loves me in spite of my inability to love myself right now.
This morning upon waking up, there was a slight moment that I did not know where I was or what I was suppose to be doing. I realized that my time is coming to an end at the residence that my husband and I shared.
The bitter sweet memories of the good and the bad times in this house for five years set in and I began to cry.
I cried because through all of what we have been through, I still love him. I cried because of the insignificant way he treated me when there was not a cause to do so and I cried because this week will mark the end of what I knew for five years with him. I've never been treated so shabbily by someone who profess to love me. . . who was my husband who said to the Lord that he would cherish me. It's only by the Grace of God that I am able to function through this time. I think about my parents and I am so grateful that they are not alive to see me go through this; even though at this time I need my mother to hold me and my dad to tell me that it's going to be okay. I thank the Lord for my Sister. I would not have a place to stay if it weren't for her. I've lost (material) everything behind this man. EVERYTHING and now I feel like he's taken away my self-esteem, the pride in who I have become as a woman, and at this moment (which won't be forever), my ability to function without what he has done entering into my brain from time to time. I pray and I pray and I know that God hears me. I know that he will deliver me and that there are better days ahead for me.
Serenity Prayer
God,
grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
I love You Lord! You have never failed me or let me astray. I've been in deep waters so many times but you have provided me refuge to not drown, holding my hand seeing me through.
Lord . . . . As time slowly moves by, I've heard a few things that my husband has said before he left me. I know for a fact that he said them because only he and I shared some of the things that were told to me.
My husband tried to sabotage my name, my reputation, and yes some of my personal belongings as he made his grand exit from Fayetteville.
Lord I thank you that You did not allow these things to happen to me. I thank you for covering me from his vindictiveness. I've come to realize and understand more each day that when we belong to You. . . most often there is no cause for people to hate us and have so much vindictiveness inside of themselves towards your children. They hated Your Son and they will hate Your children too.
Help me to keep my integrity through all of this. Help me to hold my peace and let You fight my battles. What my husband does not understand is that this is a spiritual battle that is going on and he let satan use him.
I don't hate Eddie. I feel very sorry for him and my prayer is that he finds what he is looking for. I pray that happiness will find him because he's not happy.
The only thing that I did was love him. Our fights were about his drug addition and problems related to his addition. If there were any other problems, I was very much not aware of them.
Satan wants me bond to this house and I claim victory through the Precious Blood of the Lamb! What Satan means for bad . . . . You will make it for good Lord. You have never failed me.
Help me to move forward Lord and not backwards. There's nothing there for me, but there's so much to look forward to in the future. In Jesus Mighty Name . . . .
It will be almost 1 month since my husband abandon me. I'm still here picking up the pieces, trying hard to move forward. Wow. . .if someone had told me a year ago that this would happen to me, I would not have believed it. Right now it seems like a distant dream. If anyone ever knew what my husband did to me during the course of our marriage, the image that he makes for himself on Facebook, other websites, his family and friends would be utterly destroyed.
Is it better that he left me? Yes! It's the way that he left me is what hurts the most. The Lord spoke to me and told me that the way that I had been hurt was unjustly done. He asked me to forgive him. It was hard to keep the hate from bubbling into my heart, but I forgave him. Then the Lord had me to send him an email telling him that I truly forgive him and I did. It was so funny. because his response to me was I'm coming to get my things around the 28th and 29th. LOL LOL. When he left me I text, emailed asking him what he wanted me to do with his things, he snuffed me and did not answer. So in the process of clearing this house, his things went to good will. I let him know that. I don't think he believes me. Why would I pay for a storage bill for his things? I would have if he had told me his plans and we had talked about a separation.
Sometimes I feel an excitement growing in me about a new beginning. Satan is busy. Very busy; dashing my hopes at times, throwing memories at me to make me break down, but only God gets the glory! My breaking down helps me to rid my heart of the hurts and heal my soul.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring for me or the next month and etc., but I will depend on the Lord to get me there and to put me back on my feet. He is making me stronger every day and like now I feel His Spirit surrounding me GLORY! GLORY! I need the Lord and I ask God to forgive me for concentrating more on my marriage than on Him. Forgive me for not putting You first Lord.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost:
It's so funny how life changes. On March 25th, 2014. I took my husband to the bus station to visit his brother in MD. He told me he would be back in a week. He never called me. He did not respond to my text or my calls.
There at that minute, I realized that my husband had left me. He left me. He left me. Now I am here lost, looking for guidance from the Lord, broken so much.
How does one leave his wife or husband. The only problems that we had was his addictions that was sinking us. Now I am here packing up a home on my own, moving, moving, moving! He abandoned me,probably telling lies to his family that it was me. No it wasn't. I feel numb, hurt, and trying to move forward each day. taking one day at a time. I had to give up my dog because I could not take care of him on my own. This is a dog that my husband professed to love.
Only by the Grace of God I will be okay. I climb back better than I was before I met my husband. I'll survive. I will find myself again and be better to myself Than I have ever been. A vow to myself: I will never trust my heart to another man, I will never marry again, I will never be in another relationship. All of this I give to God. He's my anchor, my comforter, my life line to reality. Thank you Lord for moving me forward.
NOW IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. . . .I LOOK OUT FOR ME.....!
Happy New Year to everyone! My year started off better than the last 3 years. I pray that the Lord continues to give me favor. I'm finally learning how to Love MYSELF, have confidence in who I am, and that happiness is always within myself. I guess that I have awaken from a long slumber. By the Grace of God I am still working on it with His help and guidance.
I found this photo and I loved it and wanted to share it. It's beautiful. I don't know the who painted this, but it warms my heart. It shows LOVE! Real love and peace. We've had some very cold weather in my neck of the woods. We don't always get this kind of cold in my part of NC.. I won't complain because the North and other portions of the states are being hit very hard.
I am thinking about giving 4 more years to my job and then I may retire. I'm just going to wait and see how things play out before I make my final decision.
I end this post by saying Happy New Year and may everyone be blessed with prosperity, love, and so much joy this 2014.
