FIGHTING BATTLES . . . .

When the Lord has you in a place, there is no escaping until he removes the hedges that are binding you from moving.

There's a lesson that I am suppose to be learning, but so far I'm learning patience .  .  . Oh Glory to God . . .So much patience.

I am learning humility .  .  .  . My Father God to the brink that I often cry in the humility lesson. . .realizing that there is more of both to come.


I am learning to forgive, to let go of the past, and to move forward. The 3 I am working on daily:). I am learning how to do without. The Lord has always made me to have and to hardly want for anything for a very, very long time and this feels foreign to me (doing without).

I can't remember the last time that I walked into a store and paid big money for an outfit or purchase a pair of shoes on a whelm.  Does it bother me? It use to.

It seems as though the storm brews more and more these days for me. I'm also learning to not complain. It looks as though when I complain, it goes nowhere (laughing).

The Biggest thing is evaluating myself, my life, and what has led me to this point. When God helps you to peel the covers off of yourself slowly. . . It is never an easy task. Right now, I feel like an addict going through withdrawal. No I am not an addict with a drug use, but if you count cigarettes as a drug, then I've experienced the withdrawal from smoking and caffeine. 

As I am turning the pages to my past, there are hurts and scars that I have never gotten over. I never took the time to do it because I would say to myself .  .  . can't dwell to much on this or that. . .it will slow me down from the things I need to concentrate on (like working and keeping food on the table for my son and myself). I would pack the hurts and dress the scars with temporary fixes. I've never dealt with my feeling with anything significant in my life and when my husband walked out on me. . .everything .  .  .everything flew forward in my mind, in my heart and it almost overtook me. BUT for the Grace of God who kept me safe from myself!

All of my failings, all of the abuses from previous relationships (one was physical ), relationships between my siblings, the death of my mother and my fathers' death in 2010.  When you add all the problems that my husband and I had, never truly addressing his addiction, his infidelities, my insecurities, my low self-esteem, and my flying off the handle. . . .then the abandonment. I died inside a thousand times and I am still dieing because everyday I am asking God to wash all of my past away healing from the inside out.

Sometimes the peeling gets so rough that I have allowed myself to be emotionally tampered with. . . just to try and try the pack and temporary dress so that I don't have to deal with working through past issues. It hurts to bad:).

I know that the Lord is going to bring me out of my situation and my life will be so much better for his use. I thank God that my soul is saved and anchored in Him.

Thank You Lord!