MY OLD LIFE

This morning upon waking up, there was a slight moment that I did not know where I was or what I was suppose to be doing. I realized that my time is coming to an end at the residence that my husband and I shared. 

The bitter sweet memories of the good and the bad times in this house for five years set in and I began to cry.

I cried because through all of what we have been through, I still love him.  I cried because of the insignificant way he treated me when there was not a cause to do so and I cried because this week will mark the end of what I knew for five years with him. I've never been treated so shabbily by someone who profess to love me. . . who was my husband who said to the Lord that he would cherish me. It's only by the Grace of God that I am able to function through this time. I think about my parents and I am so grateful that they are not alive to see me go through this; even though at this time I need my mother to hold me and my dad to tell me that it's going to be okay.

I thank the Lord for my Sister. I would not have a place to stay if it weren't for her. I've lost (material) everything behind this man. EVERYTHING and now I feel like he's taken away my self-esteem, the pride in who I have become as a woman, and at this moment (which won't be forever), my ability to function without what he has done entering into my brain from time to time.

I pray and I pray and I know that God hears me. I know that he will deliver me and that there are better days ahead for me.

Serenity Prayer

God,

  grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

I love You Lord! You have never failed me or let me astray. I've been in deep waters so many times but you have provided me refuge to not drown, holding my hand seeing me through.

I know that you are with me.

Veronica

 

HELP ME LORD !

Lord . . . .

As time slowly moves by, I've heard a few things that my husband has said before he left me. I know for a fact that he said them because only he and I shared some of the things that were told to me.

My husband tried to sabotage my name, my reputation, and yes some of my personal belongings as he made his grand exit from Fayetteville.

Lord I thank you that You did not allow these things to happen to me. I thank you for covering me from his vindictiveness. I've come to realize and understand more each day that when we belong to You. . . most often there is no cause for people to hate us and have so much vindictiveness inside of themselves towards your children. They hated Your Son and they will hate Your children too.

Help me to keep my integrity through all of this. Help me to hold my peace and let You fight my battles. What my husband does not understand is that this is a spiritual battle that is going on and he let satan use him.

I don't hate Eddie. I feel very sorry for him and my prayer is that he finds what he is looking for. I pray that happiness will find him because he's not happy.

The only thing that I did was love him. Our fights were about his drug addition and problems related to his addition. If there were any other problems, I was very much not aware of them.

Satan wants me bond to this house and I claim victory through the Precious Blood of the Lamb! What Satan means for bad . . . . You will make it for good Lord. You have never failed me.

Help me to move forward Lord and not backwards. There's nothing there for me, but there's so much to look forward to in the future. In Jesus Mighty Name . . . .

AMEN!

~Veronica~

A NEW BEGINNING

WOW. . .

It will be almost 1 month since my husband abandon me. I'm still here picking up the pieces, trying hard to move forward. Wow. . .if someone had told me a year ago that this would happen to me, I would not have believed it. Right now it seems like a distant dream. If anyone ever knew what my husband did to me during the course of our marriage, the image that he makes for himself on Facebook, other websites, his family and friends would be utterly destroyed.

Is it better that he left me? Yes! It's the way that he left me is what hurts the most. The Lord spoke to me and told me that the way that I had been hurt was unjustly done. He asked me to forgive him. It was hard to keep the hate from bubbling into my heart, but I forgave him. Then the Lord had me to send him an email telling him that I truly forgive him and I did. It was so funny. because his response to me was I'm coming to get my things around the 28th and 29th. LOL LOL.  When he left me I text, emailed asking him what he wanted me to do with his things, he snuffed me and did not answer. So in the process of clearing this house, his things went to good will. I let him know that. I don't think he believes me. Why would I pay for a storage bill for his things? I would have if he had told me his plans and we had talked about a separation.

Sometimes I feel an excitement growing in me about a new beginning. Satan is busy. Very busy; dashing my hopes at times, throwing memories at me to make me break down, but only God gets the glory! My breaking down helps me to rid my heart of the hurts and heal my soul. 

I don't know what tomorrow will bring for me or the next month and etc., but I will depend on the Lord to get me there and to put me back on my feet. He is making me stronger every day and like now I feel His Spirit surrounding me GLORY!   GLORY!  I need the Lord and I ask God to forgive me for concentrating more on my marriage than on Him. Forgive me for not putting You first Lord.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost:

Amen

A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE

It's so funny how life changes. On March 25th, 2014. I took my husband to the bus station to visit his brother in MD. He told me he would be back in a week. He never called me. He did not respond to my text or my calls.

There at that minute, I realized that my husband had left me. He left me. He left me. Now I am here lost, looking for guidance from the Lord, broken so much.

How does one leave his wife or husband. The only problems that we had was his addictions that was sinking us.  Now I am here packing up a home on my own, moving, moving, moving! He abandoned me,probably telling lies to his family that it was me. No it wasn't. I feel numb, hurt, and trying to move forward each day. taking one day at a time. I had to give up my dog because I could not take care of him on my own. This is a dog that my husband professed to love.

Only by the Grace of God I will be okay. I climb back better than I was before I met my husband. I'll survive. I will find myself again and be better to myself Than I have ever been. A vow to myself: I will never trust my heart to another man, I will never marry again, I will never be in another relationship. All of this I give to God. He's my anchor, my comforter, my life line to reality. Thank you Lord for moving me forward.

NOW IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. . . .I LOOK OUT FOR ME.....!

 Vee