MY ANGEL WATCHES OVER ME. . .

Sometimes I wish that I could have the power to push time back to where I knew life was so much better for me. I had my share of problems, but I counted more on my Heavenly Father more to bring me out. I was so much happier than I realized. I was more in love with life, pleased with myself, my self-esteem was better than it is now.

Unfortunately, life is not like that. I thank God for assigning an Angel to watch over me. I'm trying so hard to be happy, to be positive about my life, but circumstances won't allow it.

I once had promised myself that I would never marry. I should have kept that promise to myself. I've lost more of myself in this marriage than I have ever lost in my whole life. The death of my parents have not weighed on me as much as this marriage has. That is saying a lot. 

I hurt every day in this marriage, I cry every day in this marriage, I scream for God to deliver me from this marriage. I have no where to go, No income to leave, and No will to do it, but I pray everyday for my husband to be a husband to me. I'm trapped. 

I've thought about having an affair, but so scared of the consequences of God because he did not install that into me when He saved me. Scared to have a male friend because it may end up into something that I may regret. So I stay inside this HELL waiting for a miracle. 

Yes, it's love that keeps me hanging on. Yes it's faith that pushes me through to the end, and yes it's my belief in the institute of marriage that drives me.

Anyone that reads this, please pray for me. Pray that God gives me a clear direction on what to do.

Thank You Lord For My Guardian ANGEL!

Vee

TRAPPED INSIDE A HALF FILLED GLASS

 I've been moving around in slow motion; often feeling like I am trapped inside a glass. I can't move in any direction. I'm smothered.

I am in a routine that's leading me nowhere. I go to work Monday - Friday. Each day that I come home, I face depression just waiting to strangle me. The one that I call my husband, my soul mate, my lover, my help mate (I have discovered recently) is my depression. I love him, I need him, and I want what every woman desires.  .  .  .to be needed, cherished, and desired. 

My desire is to break free from this mundane existence. To travel the unknown (as we use to), and to enjoy life that we have with no restrictions.

I need a break from it all. My job, my better half, to enjoy me; the way I use to before marriage. The joy of just being alive. I've promised myself that I will soon break free of this half filled glass
soon. Everyday I've added water to this glass and soon it will be full and I will flow out of it easily.

 Everyday I have prayed with every drop that enters the glass. It may be months, a year, but I will get there with the help of God. This promise I have given to myself. 

Once I have reached the top, I pray that the Lord will guide me as I flow into deliverance.

Thank you Lord God for teaching me patience, humility, and the long suffering that I have endured is soon to cease.

Father God, I claim my deliverance Now!

Your daughter and your servant for every more.

Vee

A Small Chat With You! 

I haven't written anything in a while. I stumbled across the blogging page and thought "Maybe I should write a few things tonight." So many things have taken place in my life since I last wrote. February 23rd marked the 3 year anniversary of my Father's death, tomorrow will be my 4 year marriage anniversary, and 3 years at my job. I am a lead teacher in the 4 year old room in a private own daycare. A lot has happened. The most important is that I did not leave my husband. God would not allow it.

I gave God all the reasons that I should leave and he gave me all the reasons why I had to stay.  Oh I could have followed my own lead, but the repercussions of my disobedience would have been more than I could have handled. Am I glad that I stayed? (smile) yes. I say yes because the Lord helped me to grow in being obedient. I learned how to find peace in the Lord in the storms, I learned how to fall completely on God and not friends and family. I learned how to laugh at myself and my troubles and not whimper and drown in sorrow. Yes I still have my crying spells because life can be harsh; especially with the ones who say "I love you." I thank God for helping me to find my peace. It was buried deep inside of me. So deep that without the Lord, I would have never found it. Plus the Lord has a very gentle way of letting you know when a storm is brewing. It is up to us as His children to decide how we are going to react to these storms. The fore-warnings, I thank you Lord for them.  I've done so much damage to myself by not listening to that soft voice of the Lord.

I have not received my grandchild yet. Being patient. My son and daughter-n-law know the Lord and when He says it's time, it will be so. 

Well I am ending this. I'm going to take a bath and chat with my husband before going to sleep. I have a big day at work tomorrow.

God Bless All and Good Night.

Vee