DAY DREAMING . . . .

If I had a chance to put all my day dreaming into action, there would be a lot that I could do. 

I day dream about being an eagle. Flying high above the clouds, seeing the sights that look so small below. I would soar near the snow covered mountain tops and sit for awhile to behold the beauty of God's gift to mankind. 

I day dream about owning a yacht. I would sail the blue oceans and discover the little islands that no one thought to discover. I would land my boat on the shores of the island and sit on the white beaches to admire the blue seas and oceans; dipping my feet carelessly in the cool waters. I imagine that there would be coconut trees that would bare the large fruit. Banana trees  dipping low from the weight of it's fruit and imagining the Lord telling me to enjoy His delectable creations.

I day dream about the Lord allowing me for one day to choose the time in my life when I delighted in my life. I would move the days and the clock back to 10 years. I was happy, believing the most in myself, and enjoying the spoils that God allowed me to have. I would not waste it and abuse it like I did.

It's during my day dreaming that I realized that all of those things have been possible for me, but I settled for less. I allowed someone and some things to become hinder me from the things that I wanted in my life. 

But the best thing of all is that I realize that it is never to late to do some of the things I want to do, To enjoy my life the way I want to, and to keep dreaming big, No matter what.

Thank You Lord God for dreaming.

Thank You for letting me know that those dreams can come true.

That all things are possible if we would only believe.

Amen!

IT KEEPS RAINING . . . .

Every New Year I make a promise to myself. I list the things that I want to do and the things that I want thrown away in my life. Things that are not of God. 

I achieve some, and the years would have it's ups and downs, but it wouldn't be too bad.

I am waiting with patience for this year to pass me by. I've had more downs than I have had ups. More disappointments, hurts, disillusions that I don't want to remember. They haunt me at times. But I thank God for being by my side. He has carried me so many times because the labor of walking through this life has been very hard this year 2014. I've shed more tears this year from deep hurts. And when I think that it's over, the rain begins again.

The new situation is that my doctor suspects that I have cancer. I am starting my batter of test for confirmation. I pray that there is no confirmation when the test are over. When I got the news, the first thing that I thought about was what have I done that was so bad to deserve all of the things that has happened to me since February? Why is the rain nonstop? Situations are building up all around me Lord. Why am I weeping many nights without seeing my joy come in the morning?

But,I still wait patiently on God for all of my deliverance. He hasn't left me. I can still feel him in this never ending storm.

Everyday, I look to those Hills which comes my help. Knowing that my help comes for my God who has made heaven and earth. Lord, I depend on you. I'm getting weary and I need your assistance in my walk. Please pick me up Lord and carry me the rest of the way because I am so tired.

I count my healing done.

I count my finances renewed.

I count my joy rebuild.

and

I give all Glory to you Lord.

In Jesus Name

AMEN!

     

DELIVERANCE . . . .IT'S SO SWEET!

LORD YOU ARE SO GRACIOUS!

I can listen and watch the video below all night and all day, but today seemed as if the video was new to me. I listened to the song in a different light today; remembering my childhood to the present.

I use to cry when listening to it, but today I was smiling as it played. WoW!

I had a difficult childhood growing up. My parents provided very well for the family, but I was the middle child. I always found myself fighting for recognition, understanding, and acceptance. My parents didn't help the situation any. They favored the oldest which was the only son and the baby which was 2 years younger.

I was a very large child with a lot of conflict within myself. I did not accept myself. The only family that helped me through my crisis was my Aunt; my mother's youngest sister. Thank God for her. We have always shared a wonderful bond.

As I got older, the weight increased and so did my misery. Later in my adulthood, a surgery changed my whole life. I lost a lot of weight, dressed better, and it improved my self-esteem. I lost a lot of my improved self-esteem during the troubles of my marriage and the separation. 

Which brings me back to the song "Good-bye Milky Way." In my mind's eye, while listening to the song, I saw myself unpacking an imaginary suitcase. At each step of a certain age, I continued to unpack and the suitcase got lighter and lighter. I could see the bottom being emptied.

I saw myself wearing a white suite that had gotten so big on me. To myself I thought "I just brought the suite and it fitted at the time I bought it."

I felt the vision meant that I am healing. My burdens are getting lighter and I am moving forward with the Lord's Blessings. White signifies purity. Thank You Jesus. The "Milky Way's" center is said to have a black hole. I was waving saying "Good-bye Milky Way". I am leaving the black hole LOL LOL.

God is delivering me and it feels so good:). So very Good.  .  .

Good-Bye Milky-Way!

FIGHTING BATTLES . . . .

When the Lord has you in a place, there is no escaping until he removes the hedges that are binding you from moving.

There's a lesson that I am suppose to be learning, but so far I'm learning patience .  .  . Oh Glory to God . . .So much patience.

I am learning humility .  .  .  . My Father God to the brink that I often cry in the humility lesson. . .realizing that there is more of both to come.


I am learning to forgive, to let go of the past, and to move forward. The 3 I am working on daily:). I am learning how to do without. The Lord has always made me to have and to hardly want for anything for a very, very long time and this feels foreign to me (doing without).

I can't remember the last time that I walked into a store and paid big money for an outfit or purchase a pair of shoes on a whelm.  Does it bother me? It use to.

It seems as though the storm brews more and more these days for me. I'm also learning to not complain. It looks as though when I complain, it goes nowhere (laughing).

The Biggest thing is evaluating myself, my life, and what has led me to this point. When God helps you to peel the covers off of yourself slowly. . . It is never an easy task. Right now, I feel like an addict going through withdrawal. No I am not an addict with a drug use, but if you count cigarettes as a drug, then I've experienced the withdrawal from smoking and caffeine. 

As I am turning the pages to my past, there are hurts and scars that I have never gotten over. I never took the time to do it because I would say to myself .  .  . can't dwell to much on this or that. . .it will slow me down from the things I need to concentrate on (like working and keeping food on the table for my son and myself). I would pack the hurts and dress the scars with temporary fixes. I've never dealt with my feeling with anything significant in my life and when my husband walked out on me. . .everything .  .  .everything flew forward in my mind, in my heart and it almost overtook me. BUT for the Grace of God who kept me safe from myself!

All of my failings, all of the abuses from previous relationships (one was physical ), relationships between my siblings, the death of my mother and my fathers' death in 2010.  When you add all the problems that my husband and I had, never truly addressing his addiction, his infidelities, my insecurities, my low self-esteem, and my flying off the handle. . . .then the abandonment. I died inside a thousand times and I am still dieing because everyday I am asking God to wash all of my past away healing from the inside out.

Sometimes the peeling gets so rough that I have allowed myself to be emotionally tampered with. . . just to try and try the pack and temporary dress so that I don't have to deal with working through past issues. It hurts to bad:).

I know that the Lord is going to bring me out of my situation and my life will be so much better for his use. I thank God that my soul is saved and anchored in Him.

Thank You Lord!

YOUR LOVE. . . . THIRD DAY

The most wonderful feeling that one can ever have is love:). I can't speak from a man's perspective and I can not speak for every woman. I speak for myself as a woman who's been in love.

Love is refreshing. . .

Love is emotional. . .

Love is physical. . . .

Love is timeless. . . .

When you first realize that you love someone, everything inside of you wakes up. You see everything as new. Your five senses are in tune with your heart and you become breathless thinking of the  possibilities that awaits you with your MAN:).

When you are together, breathing in the essence that vibrates around you, every thought, every hope, and every . . . .every. . . .every is about him. Time seems to stand still and it appears to run fast all in one moment. It stands still because it's the world around the both of you. It appears to run fast because there's never enough time on a clock to spend an eternity together. Everything else seems to dominate your time leaving very little for the one you love. So you carelessly forget that there is a thing called time. . . blotting out all the things and people that interferes.

Real love is what every woman wants and needs at least one time in their lives.

That refreshing, emotional, physical, and timeless feeling that we have in the natural for our man is even more wonderful when you feel that way with Jehovah God. Our Father, Our first Love.

Father God . . . My First Love. . .

I Love You!

I AM STILL LEARNING. . . .

This has been a very laid back and dreary weekend. Not saying that we didn't need the rain, but it had this melancholy feel to it. I climbed the walls with frustration and found myself leaving home just to breath a little.

I spent Friday shopping with my sister . . . looking for a couple of dresses for some main  events that we have in church for the next few months and for myself, I've decided to leave the city that I have known for most of my life. It's so funny. The decision is bitter-sweet. When I finally decided to leave mid October, this great weight lifted from my shoulders and I felt so good, but on the other hand I cried. I always felt that my place was here with family, people I went to school with, and memories of always belonging.

I don't feel a belonging anymore nor do I feel a since of fitting in. It's sad to say, but I allowed my husband to soil all that I knew and loved here. 

I've faced my demons here and it's time to move on. If it's God's will for me to return, I'll be back to live here. It's time for a change for me. I'm looking forward to this move.

Some things are meant to happen. We may not be able to explain or understand certain events in our lives, but I've always believed in all causes lead to effects; rather good or bad. I'm learning every day to let go and let God. There are only certain things in our lives that He allows us to have a measure of control over. The percentage of those measures are very slim. . .

Good Night and love you!

Vee