DESIRES. . .

I have discovered that there are more than 101 things that I desire to do before sleeping OR resting (as some folk prefer it to be said). Most of my desires are simple ones. I have never made a request from God that I consider to be outrages. I believe that God only blesses you in your ability in life. Why would I ask him to bless me with a week long trip to the Virgin Islands and I don't have income to go? Sure I do understand that we are not to limit God. I also know that He could touch someone to pay for my trip, but come on. . .has the word reality ever set in anyones mind? Besides, I don't get off with the bill man calling me to remind me of a bill I owe when I spent it on a trip that I could not afford.

I am not going to list 101 or more things that I desire. That's ridiculous. I may only list a few and as time go on add to the list when I blog at other times. My number one desire is to travel the states that I have never visited. I have a friend who drove long distant trucks and offered me to go with her one summer. I was not able to. I had surgery that summer. I beat myself up many times about that opportunity, but started looking at it in another perspective. It was not meant for me to go at that particular time. I was able to take the next best thing. She would call me and give me the most detailed descriptions of where she was and send me post cards of it. Her descriptions were so wonderful. Sometimes I could see myself traveling with her and seeing what she was describing to me.

I would love to have grandchildren. Little images of my family tree lol. They would be some spoiled grands. Grandma would make sure of that.

I desire to own a Black F150 Short Bed Double Cab (with an angel spray painted on the hood) and a Ninja Bike (black and purple with an angel spray painted on the sides). Awesome! I often close my eyes and see myself driving and riding them. My grandkids will get a kick out of riding with me.

I desire to stand on a mountain top and look down at green valleys with running streams, feel the wind blowing, and to look up at the beautiful skies. I saw a site like that from a plane and I have never forgotten how beautiful the site was. To see it from a mountain top would be wonderful.
These are just a few. Nothing elaborate. Just a few simple desires.

Enjoy your week and as I am learning to do. . .stop. . .take time to smell the roses.

Vee

CRAZINESS AND THE IN-BETWEEN

The Day Light Savings Time has my sleep pattern and my daily schedule somewhat unorganized. I have to try and adjust to it, because life does move on without me. I just want to be able to have some semblance of life in what I call a "little madness." I can smell the pollen in the air and my sinuses are starting to take a beating. With very little rain brewing, it will be hard to fight my allergies this year. Although I am complaining, I have to admit that we have had more glorious weather than we actually deserve.

I've been in the worse mood this week. I was trying to figure out why, but it's not hard to do that. It does not take a rocket scientist to know that women my age have hormonal issues (putting it lightly). I've been such a witch to say the least and yesterday my friend said very sweetly. . . "Baby, tell me what's wrong." How does a menopausal woman tell her man what the hell is wrong with her?! I can't explain it and I am sure that there are others in my situation that can't explain it either.

The funny thing is that when your man is in tune with you (in my case my crazy ass) . . . He already knows what's wrong and he will say and do all the right things to make it better. In my mind I was saying work your magic Baby and I can imagine that in his mind he was saying this woman is crazy as hell lol lol. But the most important thing is that I can be myself and don't have to pretend to be what I think he wants me to be. We were the greatest of friends for years and we have both seen the good and bad sides of each other and this "relationship" seems to be working.

The funny thing about it is that I never looked at him to be anything but my friend. We both told each other secrets, scold one another for stuff that was dead wrong, talked to each other about problems in our relationships with our mates, laughed at the craziness in the world, and most of all leaned on each other when times were hard. Not once did we look at each other as anything else but friends. To tell the truth. . . If I had known the brother was that good in the bedroom, I would have jumped on it years ago lol lol. Damn How Could I Have Missed That!!

My Dad is doing so much better. He's resting, and healing nicely. I sure hope to have him home soon with me soon. I'm looking forward to that.

My son shared some great news with me this weekend. He and his friend had been unofficially engaged and now it is official. He has a very beautiful and lovely fiancee'. They work very well together as a couple. They have been together for a long time working their way through school and their jobs. They feel that they are ready to do this thing. They're very responsible people and if they feel that it's time. . . then it's time. Not that it is up to me. . .but I could not have wanted a more beautiful and smart daughter-n-law. She's wonderful!

Love to everyone and God Bless You!
Vee

DISCLOSURE. . . .

Finding someone you want to be with is sometimes the hardest thing to do. I find that letting down my defenses and letting myself feel is a wonderful thing. I strongly believe that in all relationships you have to share some measure of yourself before it (the relationship) can evolve. One should never push or become manipulative in making it happen. Just let yourself move slowly through each day. . . an inch at a time.

And then there is this acceptance thing. It's very important. There is no Mr. Perfect (lol). We all have our peculiar, undesirable, and habitual ways. If your spouse or significant other can deal with those things about you and you with them, then I know it's a good relationship. I have my peculiar, undesirable, and yes habitual ways. I can really be a world class "bitch" at times lol. It takes a very strong man to deal with me lol, but my friend deals with all my faults, never forgetting to tell me that my good qualities outweighs my bad ones (smile). I am not forgetting that he has his faults too, but the same is true on my end. His good qualities definitely outweighs his bad ones and that makes me want to hang in there a lot longer than I normally would.

I've always been sort of a flight risk when it comes to relationships. I am learning that my running is baggage for past experiences. You can't bring a lot of baggage into a new relationship lol. It reeks of a disaster waiting to happen. It's typically doomed before it gets started.

So I've asked myself time and again. . . .how do I discard all the baggage to at least give myself a chance to feel, a chance to trust, and to feel whole again? My only answer is that you can not discard every bit of discontent that is bagged up in your life in one day. It took a long time for me to store all the rubbish in my life into some suitcases to drag around with me and although it will not take as long to unpack, I find myself sifting through it's contents and unloading some articles to make my life a lot lighter in my journeys.

Unpacking trust is the hardest for me. . .and for most others too. I like most women (and men) unpack trust and place it back time and again wondering am I ready to use this one with that special someone? Some say that you can't love a person if you don't trust them. I beg to differ with that analogy. You can love a person with all your heart and not trust them. God says to love each other, but He also warns His children to trust no man. Hummmmmmmmmm? I think I have to keep trust packed for a good while and even then no man is worth me trusting 100%. I trust God to touch my man to do what is right toward me, but that is as far as it will go lol lol.

I have two of the most important elements on my list that I find difficult for the mortal man to do 100%. One is trusting each other and the other is keeping promises. I've learned the hard way about promising folks things. My motto is to tell you that I will do my best and the other is I am trustworthy to a certain extent. I am human. I do not purposely "screw" anyone, but I am prone to making mistakes and forgetting easily. I call this "Pivoting to the Right." We are all known to do that from time to time.

Well the morning is off and running. . . .leaving me behind and I've got a 101 things to do today.

God Bless And Until The Next Time . . . . .
Vee