2011. . . . I WONDER?

2011 is quickly approaching. I've been wondering what God has for me in the New Year. There are a lot of questions going through my head. Wondering . . . Wondering . . . all the time now.

I wonder if I will have to go through the hell that I went through with my husband in 2011? Only God knows the list and the magnitude of what I endured this year.

I wonder will I be living in the house that I so desire to move to? The house that I am living in now is below standard for anyone to live in.

I wonder if I will finally gain the things materially that I desire? I've worked my butt off to achieve things that never came to fruition because my husband does not have the mental capacity to want anything but a high.

I wonder if my marriage will survive throughout 2011. The road for more than two years has been pure chaos. I've been put through so much, but continued to stay because of love.

Last, but not lease, I wonder if I will have the strength to leave if God grants me permission to do so? It is not easy leaving someone that you love, even when their actions show you that they don't love you.

Lord. . .

I've been a good wife. I've tried to do what is required of me through your teachings. I've honored my husband. I have never been unfaithful to him, and I've desired no one, but him throughout the time that we have been together. My desire Lord is to live a life pleasing to you and for my marriage to be honorable in your sight by the two of us. I do know Lord that this may not always be the case. Two must want what is right before your eyes. No matter what Lord, I will do what you require me to do. I ask that you take away the hatred that builds up inside me, the anger that threatens to over take me, and the sadness that depresses my soul from all the hurts and mistreatment that my husband has taken me through. I know that I deserve better Lord and that is the hurt that sometimes swallows me up. My sadness Lord is that if you release me from this marriage, I can not marry again as long as my husband lives. I have destroyed my own vision when I entered into this union. I have to honestly say that I do not know if this union was ordained by you. If it is not Lord, I pray that you forgive me for my mistake. Forgive me for moving ahead of you and forgive me for not being wise. In Jesus Holy Name . . . Amen!

Your Daughter and Servant in the Lord
Veronica

NO LOOKING BACK. . .

Everyone finds themselves making decisions that we are forced to make. Some decisions are good and some decisions hurt us, but we have to make them.

The story of Lot's wife in the bible has been on my mind so much as of late. God gave Lot a choice and Lot chose the greater path and that was being obedient to God's word and moving forward as God desired him to do. God specifically asked Lot not to look back at what he was leaving.

On the other hand, Lot's wife looked back, knowing full well what would happen, but she looked back any way. I don't know what others interpret that to mean, but I see it as if Lot's wife longed to be in the place that they just left with so much sin and destruction. I feel that she wanted to be where she left from.

The story describes so much of my life and the decisions that I am face to make. As I was sitting down contemplating on some issues that I have been asking God to resolve for me, the story of Lot entered my mind.

I think that at that moment, I realized that my decision is made. When I do what I need to do. . . I CAN NOT LOOK BACK! Sooooooo. . . I am making sure that everything in my heart and mind is right before the eyes of God . . . So that when I do what I must do . . . I will be moving forward and not looking back.

Father God . . .
I am at a crossroad in my life not knowing what to do in the situation that I am in.
Something has to give. My heart says stay, but the reasonable mind says go. I have
endured, I have, I have pleaded, I've lost my pride and I have begged. There's
no sense in what has happened to me and continues to happen to me.
I long for resolutions in my life and in order to get them, I feel that I must leave.
Once I leave Lord. . . . I can not look back! I have to move forward to a place
where peace abides and true love abides. It's not here with my husband.
Help me to forgive and above all . . .Help me to continue to love him
regardless of what has happened between us.

I count it done and I receive the break through that is coming my way. . .
In the Precious Name of Jesus. . .
Your Servant
Veronica

YET I RISE . . . .

There are a lot of sayings that Christian People often say. Some sayings are: "If it weren't for the Lord, I wouldn't know where I would be", "If God is on my side, who could be against me" . . . and the list can go on.

Yes, all those sayings are true. I testify to that fact in my life and I too say those things with gumption, with zest, with a know like I have never known before.

Yes, with God's help I can say that I am a survivor, I can say that I am truly blessed, I can say that God has made me a victorious woman in spite of all that I have been through. As Mya Angelo has said: Yet I rise, but I say over the hills of despair, over the hills of lost, and over the hills of hurt. . . Yet I rise! I rise because Christ rises every day in my life. I rise because it is He that encourage me, I rise because Christ is my anchor in every storm. I rise. . . I rise. . . I rise!

Father God. . . there are decisions in my life that I must make. I am unable to make them with clarity. I need you to guide me in what I must do. This weary soul has risen above all that has happened to me because you deemed it so. Guide me in the right direction Lord. I know that there will be no turning back when decisions are made. Give me clarity Lord. Continue to give me peace. Continue to protect me Lord and cover me in everything that I do.
I give you all praise and all glory!
In Jesus Name I pray. . .
Your Servant . . . Your Daughter. . .
Veronica

YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME. . . .

We are now in the month of June. It is six months before entering into a new year. Some things have changed, but a lot of things have remained the same. I've grown, but it seems as though others in my life has stood still and has refused growth. God says STAND! I've been doing that. I often think about doing things in my own way, but nothing good in my life will work out correctly if I go away from the directions of God. He knows my future. I don't. There's one thing that I do know, I want what God has for me. He knows my desires better than I do. Often we think that we know what is best for us. Man has no true understanding that the heart can be deceitful.

I am now back in school, I've gotten a job, and although problems are still there, God has given me so much peace in the middle of the storm that has brewed around me for some time. He promises Victory and I claim it! Each day I see the manifestation of my deliverance unfolding. Just seeing the Lord's hand is upon my situation is awesome.

Father, How wonderful are Your works! There are no words to express how wonderful You are. I thank You! I praise You! Great is Your Faithfulness! Your mercies endure forever more! Continue Lord to help me travel on the straight and narrow path that You have placed for me and my life. Continue to save me from myself. Still the hands of the enemy and keep me delivered from the wickedness that he desires for me.

Bless my husband Lord. Let him know that you are real. Speak to his mind Lord and assure him that you have always been there when he has felt alone, unsure, and lost. Use me Lord to show him the true light that shines from just knowing You. He needs You Lord! He needs You!

You said in Your words, that loving kindness is what draws us to You! He has failed to see that Your love and Your kindness has kept him here through his storms. He fails to see that Your hands have been upon his life at all times.

You have also said Lord that your hands are not shorten that you can not save us. Touch my husband's hands to reach up to You! Transform his mind Lord. Show him a new way of Love and a new way of life.

I count this done Lord in the Your Mighty Name!

Your servant and daughter
Vee

THE PASSING OF A GREAT MAN. . . .

It was sudden. I did not expect for it to happen this soon, although you could hear the weariness in his talks, witness the pain that retched his body, or the distant look that flickered in his eyes, I always thought that this was going to be one more battle that God would allow him to win.

It didn't happen that way. On February 23, 2010, my Father slipped away quietly in the early morning at 2:18 a. m. .

When I received word, I was numb until the bile rose to my throat and the pain chipped away at my insides. The realization of his passing etched in my heart, tearing me apart.

My Dad was an humble man, yet proud. He was a gentle giant, a supporter of family and friends, and my hero. I've always been closer to my Father and even now images of him growing up sends smiles to my face.

I've lost two wonderful parents. There is nothing that will ever replace a parent.

Lord I thank you for all the wonderful years that you have allowed me to be in the presence of honorable people. Good parents that worked hard to support and raise me. Who set family values before me, and left a legacy to there children of what honor, self respect, and character can give you.

Although the pain is great, I know that in time all wounds will become scares that I carry to remember those before me.

In the Mighty Name of My Lord and Savior . . . Jesus Christ.
Amen